


Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

by LizzieBennet



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apocalypse, Feelings Realization, Growing Up, Mutual Pining, Rebellion, Sibling Bonding, Slow Burn, Sneaking Out, Training
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:42:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzieBennet/pseuds/LizzieBennet
Summary: Vanya was Extra Ordinary, but who is she now? The medication numbed her all her life, suppressed her power, her personality. Without it, what is there? Vanya is going to find out and so will everyone else. Things are going to be different this time around, she got another chance and isn't going to waste it. She is powerful and dangerous, she makes the rules from now on and dear father will have to deal with it.It's a different game now.





	1. Back to the Start

The time travel works. That’s the first coherent thought Five is able to conceive. He’s tired to the bone when the blue light fades around them revealing the empty space of their living room. His second thought is to check Vanya. She’s still unconscious and in Luther’s arms, looking as young as he remembers her before jumping in time.

“You did it, Five”

Diego looks briefly at him in disbelief before checking his own younger body, shock spreading all over his features. The house is dark and silent, filled by the panting of the children as they compose themselves back, the reality of the latest event crashing over them. They stand awkwardly in their old, new bodies until Allison takes control of the situation, checking Vanya’s pulse once again for good measure.

“She’s okay-” she starts whispering and gasps loudly at hearing her own voice.

“You can talk again” says Luther, affectionately searching her gaze. When they lock eyes it’s so overwhelming for the both of them they seem to forget the fainted body in the boy’s arms.

“You can make puppy eyes later. We need to take Vanya to her room”

Taking everyone by surprise it isn’t Five who snaps at them – it’s Klaus, already heading for the stairs. “Hurry up, I don’t want the old man to wake up and find us here.”

Diego nods in awe, still confused and unfocused. Five scoffs but he doesn’t object. He reaches to Klaus’s side, leading the group upstairs. The third rational thought he conjures is about Vanya’s room: it’s tremendously small, much smaller than Five remembers, and he can’t help but notice he hasn’t been there in years, decades even. He distractedly notices the others would be thinking the same, as they all try to find some space for themselves in the tiny room and it’s clear enough the only reason they barely fit is because they’re children again. Otherwise Luther’s monkey shape would be filling the room entirely by himself. As soon as he gets inside he lays Vanya down and Allison claims the spot at her side, petting her hair, while Five positions at the end of the bed.

“What do we do now?” it’s Luther’s whisper that breaks the deafening silence but Five can only look at him, unsure of what to say, he doesn’t a plan for the aftermath. However, as soon as he opens his mouth to respond, a soft knock echoes in the room. He jumps on his feet, exchanging worried glances with the others.

“Guys?”

Says a quiet voice as a shy little head peeks at the door. It’s Ben. He glances at them and quickly slides inside the room, closing the door behind him. “Is she alright?”

He seems oblivious to the surprised expression on his siblings faces and turns abruptly to Klaus when he hears him say, “You all see him too, right?”

“I was there too, dumbass”

“You weren’t there… I couldn’t have taken you with us” says Five, startled. There’s a strange mix of emotions swirling inside of him. He hasn’t seen his brother in 45 years and yet there he finds him, standing in the middle of the room, looking the same as the last time they had seen each other.

Ben attempts a smile at him, sadness filling his eyes. “Hello brother. Long time, no see. And yes, you didn’t – Klaus did”

“I did what?”

“You brought my consciousness back, I remember everything…” he trails looking pointedly at Klaus, who gulps silently in return. “You see, you’re quite powerful when you’re sober” he says eliciting a scoff from his brother.

“Oh, by the way, thank y’all for not taking into consideration I was with you lot at the SuperBowl.” He allows himself to gloat a little circling in the cramped space to take in the shamefaced expressions of his siblings, eventually just stopping to look at Vanya.

“How is she?”

“She hasn’t woken up yet” Allison tells him, still looking shocked at her, previously dead, brother. “I’ll stay, if you want to rest” she adds, addressing the teenagers staring at her.

“I’m not going anywhere”, replies Five. He truly is exhausted but his frantic mind needs a plan to operate and he finds himself with nothing in his hands. What would he have to do? Go back to sleep in his old room? He can’t bear to be alone with his demons right now. When he came back from the future he had something to think about, to busy his mind with: stopping the Apocalypse. Now that the danger has been averted he doesn’t know what to do. He isn’t ready to step into his old life again.

“Maybe we should… Well, I mean, she is a ticking bomb-”

“Don’t you even,” growls Klaus, his voice mean and hurtful, “dare think it, Luther. I swear to God, you’ll never lock her up again.”

If the amount of unusual events hadn’t already reached its peak, Klaus’s cold and threatening remark does the trick. They all turn to him in surprise and Luther himself is taken aback. He doesn’t find Klaus intimidating in the slightest, but he has never seen him so passionate about anything, drugs aside.

“You did what?”

Rises Five’s voice in the silence. He looks collected and self-possessed yet utterly feral as he stares down Luther. No longer in his monkey body he’s forced to confront himself with Five’s totalizing fury.

“It’s a bunker in the basement,” snaps Allison to stop them from killing each other. Five slowly turns to her. “It’s soundproof. Cuts every noise from the outside”

“That-” he growls, “it’s torture”

“Yeah. That’s were dad kept her” she motions to the sleeping form on the bed, “before he started to drug her with those pills”

“I remember her medication” he murmurs numbly.

“Why did she hurt you, then? Tell me how this isn’t a risk”

“That was my fault. No, dad’s actually”

“Wonder why it doesn’t surprise me” chimes in Klaus.

“I suppose none of you remembers” starts Allison, “I didn’t either until a few days ago. When we were children Vanya had powers too. Once dad told us she was sick and had to remain isolated… He was keeping her there. He had me rumor her she was ordinary. Since then she became the Vanya we know”

“That wasn’t your fault, Allison.” She looks up at Five. For some reason she can’t explain, it really means something that he understands. Like they’re on the same side for the first time and for a good reason.

 

Vanya wakes up gasping for air and her coughing sounds transform rapidly in ragged breathing. She doesn’t have the time to take notice of the twelve pairs of eyes scrutinizing her as she suddenly finds herself tangled in a desperate hug. She feels drained and empty, and she only wants to cry. Lost in confusion, Vanya rises her arms to return the hug, eventually pulling back to get a better look at the person in front of her.

It’s not like she hasn’t anticipated it could be Allison, but not this Allison. Tears roll down her cheeks as she regards her teenage sister. “Am I dreaming?”

Her voice comes out hoarsely, like it hasn’t been used in a long time, and her throat hurts as she mumbles. She glances at her sister’s throat, scared of what she might find.

Anticipating her question Allison smiles at her, “It’s okay Vanya, I’m okay”

“Allison… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”, she repeats over and over, hugging her sister once again. She doesn’t want to let go anymore, doesn’t want to raise her head and face whoever else is standing in there. Some part of her, however small, is still hoping this might just be a nightmare: her thirteen years old self imagining her adult life or her thirty years old self dreaming about her pitiful childhood. The truth is too awful to accept.

In the middle of her despair Vanya feels a foreign pressure on her shoulder, and she glances up driven by curiosity. Five is wearing a troubled expression, somehow filtered by a softness she always known was just for her. The sight of him breaks Vanya and her eyes darken as images of what she did come to her mind.

“I really did that?” Five just nods but Vanya doesn’t need words. Her hands come to her head in a vane attempt to quiet the continuing hissing in her mind messing with her – only to be met with long bangs. Suddenly it hits her, she hasn’t had it in years. She takes a look on herself, for what she can see, as an explanation starts to form in her mind.

“You brought us back” it’s barely a whisper but it echoes in the silent room. “Me, too?”

Hurt flushes on Five’s face at her disbelief, “We can fix you, Vanya”

She lowers her eyes. Vanya knows he means well but she can’t help feeling a burden, a broken thing that needs fixing.

_I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust._

_Why me?_

_Because you’re ordinary._

“What Five meant is,” that voice, she thinks. She hasn’t heard it in thirteen years, “We can help you learn to control your power this time around. And possibly avoid my death too once we’re on it…”

“Ben”

“Hey sis”, his smile is so genuine and open that Vanya tears up again when they hug. Ben’s presence is comforting, relaxing, and Vanya starts to feel like she might be home, after all.

Ben easily takes control of the situation, much to Luther annoyance. “We need to decide what to do. First of all, what day is it? What year is this?”

“There should be a calendar somewhere on my drawer…” Vanya murmurs and he gestures for someone to check.

“November 18th, year 2002”, says Diego.

“Good” mutters Ben, “How long has it been since Five disappeared? That’s the year, isn’t it”

“Sixty-seven days. Give or take”

Her voice is steady but she keeps looking down, missing the flash of emotions passing through Five. Vanya never actually kept track of how many weeks or months passed by. She counted the sandwiches.

“Alright-” says Ben, looking at her strangely, “So, we better think of what to do now”

“We can’t tell dad”

“I agree with Klaus, we’re already experiments for him, let’s not make it worse”

“But he’ll find out eventually, we should tell him ourselves, he’ll know what to do-”

“You mean putting Vanya back into the cage?”

Suddenly the room starts shaking and they all turn to Vanya. Five is at her side is less than a second. “No one’s locking you anywhere. That won’t happen again”

Vanya is pale as a ghost, fear darting in her eyes. In a slow movement she takes the medication on the night stand and opens the jar.

“No! What the hell are you doing?”

She jerks Allison hand away and swallows a pill.

“Why Vanya?”

“You can’t tell dad. Not yet. I’m not ready” she doesn’t speak to anyone specifically but there’s a plea in her voice that doesn’t go unnoticed.

“We won’t.”

“Here’s what will do,” comes Luther’s commanding voice, “Five will show up for breakfast tomorrow. He’s been missing for two months now, dad will focus entirely on him. It’ll give everyone time to settle back into our old life”. He stands confidently, clearly stepping back into the role of leader that was thrust upon him.

“Shit!”

“What now Diego?”

“The security footage! We can’t let him see that if we want to keep this up”

“Footage of what?”

“Oh Five, you’ve been missing out quite a few things. Dad recorded us for years”

“There are cameras in our bedrooms?” Vanya asks, frantically looking around.

“He saw everything” adds Klaus in the mix, “Every little dirty wank. Sick old bastard” he concludes giggling. He definitely means to crack a joke, but a shadow of embarrassment passes through everyone’s face while his words kick in. Luther looks rather sick: he’s the one that stayed longer than everybody else. He had known about the cameras, but never once thought about such trivial consequences.

“We’ll deal with it in a minute. First, our plan of action: we keep quite until things go back to normal? What then?”

“I’ll talk to him” Luther just stares back at Vanya. “When I’m ready, I’ll talk to him”.

 

Five doesn’t want to leave Vanya by herself but time travelling to the past worn him out and he hasn’t been sleeping in days. All things considered, she almost certainly isn’t going to blow up the Academy since she’s taken her drugs and he’s pretty sure Allison is going to spend the night in her room anyway.

“So”, Five turns abruptly to find Ben on the stairs behind him.

“The future. Wow. I hope you’re going to tell me about it”

“There isn’t much to say”

“Really? What about those creeps?”

“Hazel and Cha Cha? How do you even-”

“I was with Klaus when they tortured him. The whole damn time”

Five’s heart tightens unexpectedly. He dismissed Klaus completely when he told him he was held captive, even though he had seen his blood steps on the floor.

“Was it bad?”

“Quite” There is no mistaking Ben’s accusingly tone. He sighs. He is sorry, but there’s nothing he can do about it anymore.

“I won’t let it happen this time, you know”

Ben makes a grimace. Talking about his death with someone different than Klaus gives him chills. “Yeah. You’re tired, that’s a conversation for another day.”

Five nods briefly before Ben adds in a solemn, serious voice, “There are many wrongs we need to right this time around.”

As they reach their bedrooms floor Five detaches that something’s wrong but he isn’t really able to place it until he gets to his room, “Why are the lights on?”

“Oh… I had forgotten” whispers Ben, looking dazed. “Then there should be something for you on your desk, I suppose-” he says rushing inside. “There it is.”

Five glances perplexingly at where Ben is pointing. On a white, clean porcelain dish is what looks like a freshly made peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich, neatly cut in two halves.

“I don’t understand”

“She used to leave the lights on for you. I think she feared you’d leave again. Fixed you a sandwich every night. I don’t know for how many years she kept doing so…”

He doesn’t voice her name, but Five knows perfectly well who Ben’s talking about. He tries to swallow down the lump that is forming in his throat.

“I saw her a few times, sneaking here in your room. I used to think you came back but wanted to keep it a secret.”

He turns to look at his brother, really taking him in. Ben knows they’re adults now, especially Five if he’s as old as he claims to be – he himself he’s the youngest being stuck at 17 - but seeing Five with swollen, damp eyes startles him nonetheless. He remembers him always bursting with overconfidence, being an arsehole half the time, and he can’t reconcile this vulnerable version of Five with the one he’s used to.

He would like to hug him but fears he might just shove him away, and he doesn’t want to intrude his personal space. He takes a few steps closer, not too much, and pats his shoulder.

“We’ll make this work. What we’ve all been through, it won’t be in vain. I promise”.

 

Five wants to blame his emotional thirteen years old body, Vanya’s attempt to blow up the moon, his own recklessness when he decided to time travel. Maybe it’s their fault, maybe there’s no one to blame in the end. He’d rather blame someone, anyone really, just to make it easier, more bearable. To justify his own weakness. Five cries himself to sleep for the first time in years and hates it. It makes him feel vulnerable, hopeless, but all the same he allows himself to let his pain out, for he finally feels safe enough to. His family is safe: he completed his mission. He can rest.

 

 

 

**_Notes:_** Thanks if you made it here! About the fic, this is going to be a very slow and painful slow burn because this is a tragic ship and I love angst - be warned! I mean to work on the characters before stepping into more because I feel like they are so messed up they need to find themselves first, if this makes any sense? Anyway, I've taken a few liberty such as: we were never shown Ben's room so I just assumed it was the closed door in front of Five's room. Also, I think Vanya meant she left the lights on in the whole house or at least the kitchen and dining room and the midnight snacks on the floor if Pogo stepped on them but, since it wasn't in any way specific I've decided to work it out differently. I know this introduction of Vanya is weak but you know, she just destroyed the world, give her a break.


	2. Lost Girl

Five doesn’t tell Hargreeves about the future. He doesn’t mention the Apocalypse. Instead, he tells his surrogate father he had just left the table during mealtime, stormed out of the house and found himself in the street this very morning. He tells him it was less than thirty seconds. The sad thing, it really was. It took him half a minute to ruin his life and a lifetime to regret his own childish behavior. He’ll never admit it, though. Certainly not to Hargreeves.

The old man leans back in his armchair, steepling his fingers on the desk. His whole posture emanates power. “I hope you realize how lucky you are to have made it back, number Five.”

He’s disturbingly calm yet his eyes are burning with fury. For the first time it occurs to Five how much he took from him: from the posture to his facial expression, the way he carries himself. A wave of disgust rises in him at the thought but is quickly put down. It would be juvenile to concern about it. Besides, he isn’t going to change his composure just because it reminds him of Hargreeves.

“You are not allowed to time travel until I decide you’re ready, you may not be as fortunate the next time”

Five doesn’t get punished: he manages with a few hours of lecture on the dangers of time travelling. Hargreeves is not angry as much as he is curious and Five happens to wonder again how much of the future his father is withdrawing from him.

The next few days unfolds easily enough. Nothing appears to be out of the ordinary: they get back to their training, falling into the long forgotten routine. Hargreeves is surprised they all seem to have improved overnight but doesn’t mention it. He still isn’t satisfied anyway. Vanya is quieter than usual: she doesn’t show up much for mealtimes unless she’s starving, and mostly eats alone in the kitchen with Grace to keep her company. It isn’t like her siblings haven’t tried to talk to her, but she shut them down, one by one. For once, their father lack of concern towards her turns out useful, for Five is sure she wouldn’t be able to bear a direct confrontation with him.

What upsets Five the most is Vanya taking particular care to avoid him above others. She leaves the room when he enters, doesn’t look up at him when they sit close during mealtime. He resolves she needs some time alone so he lets her be, but he starts to worry after a week of such behavior. Although they don’t speak to each other, he’s been observant. He notices she eats so little he’s surprised she’s able to stand at all.

The whole situation is frustrating. They once used to be close and he certainly wasn’t expecting for things to go back the way they used to be, not immediately, but he misses talking to her and it’s painful to notice how much she made his life tolerable when they were children. He wants to return the favor and just be there, but that isn’t the only reason why he wants to connect with her again. If he can’t find a way to fix their relationship, for all of them to become the family they need to be, the Apocalypse is going to happen again.

It’s early in the afternoon when he goes to her room. He knocks a couple times with no answer, but he knows she’s in there. She didn’t show up for lunch and he made sure to come meet her with a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich freshly made. It’s the first time he’s ever prepared food for someone else, it only seems fitting it would be for Vanya. He sighs. He could just teleport inside but that would be a great invasion of privacy, so he decides to open the door slowly instead, to give her the time to scream at him or shut it close at the unwanted intrusion.

None of those things happen. Five finds her crouched on her bed, holding her violin. She doesn’t seem to notice him, her gaze is almost catatonic, fixed on the instrument. He closes the door behind him and at the noise Vanya clutches the violin so hard Five fears she might break it.

“I haven’t seen you all day”

She flinches but doesn’t look at him.

“Vanya”

He tries again, but she still doesn’t make a sound. He can see her lips trembling and it strikes him that she’s waiting for him to leave before letting herself cry. He stands awkwardly, suddenly questioning his decision to come and see her. In order to do something with himself he approaches the bed and lays the plate on the duvet.

“I thought you might be hungry”

She seems to snap out of it. Vanya glances at the sandwich, then quickly at him, before silently starting to cry. Five rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably, uncertain of what to do. It tears him apart to see her crying and it’s excruciatingly painful to see the tears rolling down her cheeks. What resonates with him the most isn’t just seeing his sister in despair, but a desperate, abused child as well. He’s been looking thirteen since he came back but feels an old man nonetheless – which allows him to see things more clearly. Doesn’t matter that the Vanya he brought back is thirty years old in spirit, in front of him there’s a lonely and neglected girl who feels the guilt of the world on her shoulders because she was never taught better. He would know, her book kept him company for over forty years. He is willing to give her the only thing he knows will help: understanding.

“I can help you”

His voice is softer than he intended and scolds himself for it. He hopes this will be enough to at least convince her to look at him, but in response her face contorts in pain and she starts crying louder. He watches her, horrified at his own doing, and almost doesn’t catch her words when she murmurs,

“I thought you’d hate me”

The sudden confession shocks him to the core. Back to year 2019 he had rushed to her apartment because he trusted her enough to talk about the Apocalypse. Wasn’t it clear enough?

“How do you even-”

“I hurt all of you,” she whimpers, “I killed Allison’s daughter-” her voice cracks.

_Claire._ He guiltily realizes he hasn’t given her a second thought after blatantly using her to convince Allison to follow him.

“But I feel like I failed you the most. I caused you so much pain…”

“Vanya…”, from where she’s sitting she can’t see the pained expression on his face.

“I am the reason the Apocalypse happened, and you’re the one that had to live with it… I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I-”

She collapses onto herself, her hands covering her face, pouring out her soul. Her crying is so frantic and desperate, Five feels uneasy at the magnitude of it and it breaks his heart to see her this way. He thought he had his emotions under control, but he clearly doesn’t. He can’t help looking at her bewildered for he had never once thought about holding her accountable.

Acting on instinct, he closes the distance between them and kneels in front of her, taking her hands in his. He doesn’t really process it rationally but it comes to him later, he hasn’t willingly touched another human being in decades and it makes him feel dizzy. The turmoil in his heart is wrenching and he wouldn’t confront it if the broken mess in front of him were anyone else. But this is Vanya, _Vanya_ , the sibling he missed the most, the one he held onto in every page of her book, in every sentence, every word. She has always been with him when he needed her the most. His mind comes back to what Ben revealed to him the night they came back and he knows, he just knows, he would never be able to hate her.

The gentle pressure on her hands forces Vanya to meet his stare, only to find her same suffering mirrored in his wet eyes. It’s almost too emotional for her to see him crying. The mere thought brings her to the verge of another breakdown as she realizes she is the cause of those tears. Vanya knows deep down in her heart she should have died, so they all might get a chance of happiness, of peace…

“Vanya. That wasn’t your fault. It had nothing to do with what you did. It was my choice and mine alone, to time travel when I wasn’t ready. I remember you told me not to, and I didn’t listen”

He can see it in her eyes that she doesn’t believe him and he tightens the grasp on her hands. He needs her to understand.

“I don’t blame you. I never will, I promise.” He chokes out desperately.

“Listen. Sometimes we do things we are not proud of,” he doesn’t quite meet her eyes, “But we can’t let it define us. We have to be more than what we suffer. Vanya-” he stops to draw a ragged breath and waits for her to meet his eyes once more, “I forgive you.”

Before he understands what’s going on, a pair of pale, shaking arms is embracing him. Vanya nuzzles her face into the crook of his neck crying her heart out. It takes him a full half a minute before returning the hug. He holds her tightly and rocks her gently while fighting to stop himself from crying. He can’t remember the last time he held someone in his arms, or someone held him. Likely because it never happened. He wonders if in this whole fucking world he tried so hard to save, someone, anyone, loves him as much as this precious human does.

 

Later that night Five admits to himself he needed the comfort as much as she did. Part of him is a bit ashamed at how easily he seems to break lately, but the other half rationally accepts that he needs to. Something shifted in him. Without him truly realizing, or allowing it for that matter, he started to get in touch with his emotions again. It happens so slowly and subtly he doesn’t notice when it starts, he merely catches himself in the middle of it once again. It’s a painful process but sharing it with Vanya makes him want to go through it.

They still don’t talk much but as days go by they relearn to rely on each other’s comfortable silence like they did when they were children, and it warms his heart. It worries him that Vanya keeps taking her pills but he notices a slight improvement in her behavior. She stops shying away from everyone and starts showing up when required. It isn’t much but he’s confident it’s a good start. He doesn’t want to push her into anything, so he never really asks about her power. He’s curious but moreover he fears she might just not want to explore it. To bottle things up would be a mistake given how things went the first time around. But still, he doesn’t bring up the topic. Until one night Vanya does.

It’s long after dinner when he hears a knock at his door and as soon as she hears his permission she slides silently inside his room. Surprised by the welcomed intrusion Five fixes his gaze on her expectantly. He’s immediately intrigued by her sudden appearance because of her usual lack of initiative.

“I need to ask you a favor”

He quirks an eyebrow at her. He can see something’s different from the way she stands tall, defiantly and sure of herself. He can’t look away.

“Anything”

“You haven’t heard it yet”

“I’d do anything” he repeats softly.

Vanya studies him briefly, finally showing some more typical uncertainty.

“I need to get into dad’s study. I’ve been trying on my own but the door’s locked”

“What do you need there?”

Vanya sighs. “He keeps a journal. Of us seven. A record of our powers and how they grew since we were children”

Five stares at her with widening eyes and his brow furrowed, a silent question laying behind them.

“Leonard had it,” she squirms uncomfortably, “I don’t know how he got it. I want to read it, Five” she says managing to display confidence she doesn’t truly possess.

Five can't shake how different than usual she appears and he delights in it. Why this sudden change though?

“You stopped your medication” rolls out off his tongue as his mouth twitches into a lopsided grin.

Vanya straightens her posture and sticks her chin out. “I have”

Five’s impressed. He feels a wave of pride building inside him but only says, “Good”

“I take it you’ll help me?”

“Haven’t we cleared that up already?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! In case you were wondering: yes Five may be a little OOC in this chapter but I'd like to point out he wouldn't behave the same with someone else and I think despite being such an old grumpy he needs to let it out too and everything that happened is still fresh - like he went from working for the commission to defection to 2019 and eventually 2002 in eight days - so it seemed possible to me. They all suffer from PTSD at this point and I will address it in later chapters. 
> 
> As for the title, it comes from the beautiful violin piece [Lost Girls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWn7PYm-W90) by Lindsey Stirling. She also arranged the Phantom of the Opera that Vanya plays at the start of episode 1, if you don't know her already and you're into music I suggest you go check her stuff :)


	3. The truth lies behind the hills

Vanya smirks with a hint of mischief in her eyes, causing Five to stop dead, blinking rapidly: Vanya’s boldness is a rare show to witness. She proceeds in surprising him when she closes her eyes taking slow, deep breaths.

“He’s getting out of his chair right now, tidying his desk… He’ll be finished soon”

Five doesn’t scare easily but when she opens her eyes he’s afraid to see the blue, cold ones Vanya caused the Apocalypse with. He’s relieved to find her brown, warm eyes still at their place, looking at him with hopefulness of approval.

“You can hear that?”

“I can hear everything” she says grinning and closes her eyes once again.

“Diego is practicing with his stutter. He’s working on the word ‘mumbling’ and doing a good job so far. Luther oh, _pathetic-_ ” she sneers, “he’s been masturbating for like half a minute and he already came”

Her derisory tone sends shivers up Five’s spine. The image of Luther is completely unnecessary and her mockery catches him off guard; Vanya can hear _that_. His 58 years old self is screaming at his own foolishness, he’s supposed to be too old to care - but he can’t keep embarrassment from spreading on his face. Suddenly it’s the only thing he can think of and barely listens to what else she’s talking about, his only concern is how his fucking thirteen years old body is responding to it, in his pajamas pants, of all things. He is grateful Vanya hasn’t mastered her ability yet so she keeps her eyes shut for better focus, unconsciously giving him the littlest of privacy to shake off the most mortifying experience he’s ever lived.

“Klaus is having a conversation with someone I can’t hear, I think he’s talking to the dead. Allison’s crying in her room… Ben’s sleeping I think, given his regular heartbeat and that leaves… Oh, I scared you!”

Vanya stops talking abruptly as soon as she hears Five’s frantic heartbeat. She opens her eyes, looking guilty for her greedy display of power, and takes a step back in shame,

“I’m sorry, Five. I won’t do that again”

He shakes his head nonchalantly, like nothing happened. He isn’t going to correct her, it’s far less humiliating to let her think she frightened him and maybe she did a bit, after all.

“How did you do that?” he asks instead.

“I can…” she starts, nervously biting her lip. All the confidence from earlier is gone. “I can focus on single sounds at a time. Until that’s the only thing I hear.”

He’ll have to keep that in mind. “Interesting,” he nods, swallowing hard and glancing away from her. “Check on dad again”.

A few minutes later they appear in their father’s study surrounded by an electric blue light. Vanya immediately recognizes the journal she found in Leonard’s house and Five too notice he’s seen it before in his father hands, taking notes while they trained. Vanya’s heart skips a bit when she takes it into her trembling hands while Five is bursting with curiosity as he studies his father initials. He lets Vanya take her time as she brushes the cover with her fingers, amazed at her for having the guts to come here to begin with. She glances around the room to find a comfortable spot before settling in, waiting for him to join her.

“Ready?”

Five just nods.

The reports on number One, Two and Three are the easiest to go through. Mostly it’s due to them being the full center of attention at all times, continuously showing off even when unnecessary. There aren’t many secrets to discover but merely facts to confirm. Hargreeves words are transparent and unmistakable, which sickens both Vanya and Five. Their father has always had a clear picture of their individual traits and personality since young age and worked hard to exploit them.

As Vanya always suspected, Luther was chosen to be the leader exclusively for his blind trust in Hargreeves, the father he longed to praise and make proud. Not being too clever to question orders made him the perfect soldier. Putting him under the pressure of being number One assured their father his will would be respected through Luther. She can’t help but frown at the page, pressing her lips in a thin line. There’s more their father failed to notice about Luther, and that’s his need for control. Vanya remembers speaking about it in her book, how much Luther’s leadership position gave him control over the others. She never went with them on missions, but she knew Luther was constantly pushing Ben simply because he could, because that’s what father wanted of him. It’s the same reason he locked her away, she thinks while digging her fingernails into palms. The moment he learned that she, worthless Vanya, had power, he crushed her into unconsciousness. Vanya has no doubt it was mostly a personal matter to Luther than the heroic act of saving the world. She had hurt Luther’s sweetheart and therefore needed to be punished. It was a display of dominance on his part, to prove his control over her. Losing herself in thoughts she almost misses Five calling her back to earth.

“You okay?” Five asks her worriedly at the same time as a laud thunder rumbles in the distance.

Her head snaps up to look at the window. Was it her doing? She senses Five’s eyes on her and quickly turns to the journal in his hands, faking quietness. “Sure.”

Vanya nods at Five to reassure him, inviting him to get on the next page. She swallows a couple times, trying to calm herself and keep her emotions under control. She doesn’t want to hurt Five of all people.

Diego is easier to read. There isn’t anything new since it was always clear dad never truly valued his power, considering it uninteresting and boring. Naming him number Two was a sadist constant reminder of him never being able to be good enough, and Diego’s stutter and therefore ineptitude of properly expressing himself was a great weakness in their father’s eyes. As Vanya keeps reading Diego’s chapter shame builds up within herself. She had always known about Diego’s insecurities and used them against him in her book. When she wrote it she never considered how much her words would hurt him, and if ever, it would have been well deserved for how she treated her in their younger years. What she wrote was the truth: painful and filtered by her eyes but the truth nevertheless. But she never saw how much Diego was made to feel weak, for no one was weaker than her. As it turns out, it was a calculated move: it’s all put down how often dad would rub it on Diego’s nose only to see if it would make him stronger, help him build character.

Allison was a favorite of father’s. She was allowed to do exciting experiences as she grew up, such as posing for posters and magazines. He messed with her, letting her believe she could rumor her way into every next thing, which ended up biting her in the back, ultimately destroying her life. Vanya wishes Allison would blame their father more than herself, she thinks as her heart sinks in her chest at the thought of Claire. In her chapter Vanya finds something unexpected that she would have never guessed: according to Hargreeves Allison is weak. Her power is potentially the greatest, being manipulation of reality, but its limit of use is restricted to one person at a time, a _rumor_ at a time. Not as great as it could be.

Klaus’s chapter is a hard one to go through. It mainly emphasizes Hargreeves disappointment in the subject, not fully exploiting his own potential. Vanya feels on the verge of tears when she reads of their father abuse, the times he locked Klaus in the mausoleum hoping to extend his powers. He broke Klaus, once a sweet, gentle boy. No wonder he turned to drugs as soon as he could. Locking children away must have looked like the perfect solution.

When they reach Five’s chapter Vanya shifts uncomfortably in her seat. The moment she concocted this plan she knew it would have been a serious invasion of her sibling’s privacy, but only with Five sitting next to her she begins to realize how guilty it makes her feel. She cautiously steals him a glance but he doesn’t notice her as he’s already scanning their father’s words.

Number Five was problematic. Out of all siblings Five had always received praise from their father, and Vanya just assumed he was good enough to deserve it. His potential led to a great miscalculation on their father’s side as he had underestimated his intelligence and autonomy, specifically stating the difference between him and One. To keep him from stepping out of line Hargreeves made sure to instigate in him a sense of superiority, with the goal to make him dependent on his approval. Vanya can’t help pride from flooding through her remembering how Five kept challenging him, eventually breaking free from his control, making a new life from his own.

Vanya notices Five’s clenched jaw but doesn’t reach out immediately. None of these words feel new to her, given the only thing she was ever allowed to do was to observe – she always noticed father treated him differently and how it affected Five personality. She obviously never talked with Five of any of it, nor she delved into it in her novel. Assuming he would have listened, he would have dismissed her every word. She mattered nothing to them, especially for someone as cocky as him having the ordinary number Seven question his potential would have been a great insult and she would have lost his friendship in return.

She casts another glimpse at him to check how he’s doing and the first thing she notices are the throbbing veins in his neck, pairing just fine with his knitted brows. Such an old, grumpy man growing angry for his father opinion. She doesn’t want to see him like this.

“You-” she starts tentatively. He locks eyes with hers, staring with an intensity Vanya never experienced before. “The rest of us was just stuck here, paralyzed. We woke up only after Ben…” her voice grows lower, graver. “You were the only one brave enough to break free, the strongest of us all. I’ve always admired you for it.” she says in awe, amazement glowing in her eyes.

Vanya chastened herself for years after Five run away, thinking she should have rushed after him. Of course, when the incident happened, she dismissed the whole thing as a result of Five cockiness and simply assumed she would have met him for dinner or later, when he would have wanted to complain with someone. In the years that came – much lonelier in his absence – she often wondered whether things would have been better had she run away with him. But then again, he probably wouldn’t have wanted her to follow him like a desperate pet.

Lost in a contemplative silence she doesn’t realize Five’s expression shifted into a strange one until his gaze becomes too embarrassing to bear. She looks down at the journal, delicately taking it from Five’s hands and turning the page to Ben’s chapter.

It isn’t too much of a shock to read their father is horrified of Ben’s power. Vanya knows deep down they all were at some point. What disgusts her is how he never cared for Ben’s suffering, despite knowing how much it hurt him every time he let the monsters out. Hargreeves constantly pushed him to exhaustion, and so did Luther when father wasn’t around. Her eyes glow with fury in the dark room: she won’t let it happen again.

The last chapter is a challenge for Vanya. She recognizes a few sentences here and there from that night in Leonard’s house. The interesting part is condensed at the beginning since her power was shut down at an early age. Later on Hargreeves just noted whether her medication still worked. She reads the same parts thoroughly multiple times to gather all the information he collected about her. In the end she is sure of few things: 1. she killed three nannies at age four but Hargreeves only decided to numb her after she proved to be a danger to him; 2. she has power over sound and the ability to turn it into energy, the rest is unknown for he suppressed it before it could develop properly; 3. father believed her to be a danger to her family and to the world; 4. she is a monster.

She hands the journal back to Five who goes back to his chapter while her mind goes frantic. Everything her father has said and done was heavily measured and calculated: the constant reminder of her mediocrity and ordinary nature was paramount to keep her from experiencing strong emotions, forcing her to adjust to the mindset so she wouldn’t stop taking her medication even after leaving the house. And it worked. God, it worked. She barely registers the rainstorm intensifying, welcoming the sound as an old friend and finding it a comfort for her wounded spirit. The more she gets lost in it the better she feels, the sound of the rain hitting the ground being the most beautiful piece of music she ever heard until-

“We should leave”

Calls a tentative voice from her left. When she turns to face Five he flinches, a hint of fear lingering a second too long on his face.

“The ranking”, she blurts, suddenly desperate to speak her mind, “it was wrong. We always assumed it went from greatest to none… When really it goes from least to greatest in terms of destructive power. Luther always took pride in being number one, when actually he’s the weakest of us all.”

She sees the way recognition dawns on his face, a line appearing between his brows. Five doesn’t say anything, just extends his hand for her to take it. A sudden anger bursts within her at his lack of response. Vanya tenses her muscle, ready to lash out, until she notices that Five is in fact pointing at something behind her. She tilts her head in confusion before glancing at their father’s desk. Five put the journal back in the same position they found it and she didn’t even notice. It takes her an instant to understand he just doesn’t want to discuss the matter in the study and when she darts back towards him to accept his hand she doesn’t meet his eyes.

 

 

 


	4. Coming to terms

 

“I think you’re right. About the ranking”

Five is the first to talk, mostly to break the silence settling between them, but Vanya barely registers what he says.

“I always thought you should have been the leader instead of Luther”

“So did I” says Five, carefully studying her as Vanya paces nervously around his room, her hands clasped tight behind her back. “But it doesn’t matter anymore”

“I wonder…” she starts, her eyes focused on an empty space in the air between them. “I wonder how much he paid for us. Can you believe it?” she asks as her clouded eyes finally meet his.

“We weren’t adopted, we were bought” she whispers.

“So?”

“ _So_? Is this the best you come up with?”

Five startles at her outburst. Seeing her mad is something completely new to him and he has no idea how to deal with it. They lived together for thirteen years and never once witnessed her losing her temper.

“What would you want me to say? How does it change anything?”

Her eyes darken, “It doesn’t. I know it doesn’t. Still it-”

“Makes him look like an asshole? We already knew that. I don’t care if he messed us up, each of us is their own person now”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I do care, and we’re not.” She catches him rolling his eyes and quickly adds, “Well, it’s different with you. I know you’ve dealt with worse things than dad” she says softly. He averts his eyes, unable to face her compassion.

Vanya sighs but looks away from him, understanding his need to keep it quiet for the time being. She would ask all sort of questions but knows this isn’t the right time. Still, him being away is kind of the point why Vanya is sure he can’t understand. If he’s been living off of cockroaches for forty years, what does it change to him that dad was, and in fact still is, an abuser?

Abuser. She tastes the word in her mouth, taken back to the time she wrote her book. She never once described her father as an abuser although making it clear enough that he was. To point it out so openly felt too harsh, too much of a betrayal, too ungrateful to the man who, despite his cold heart, adopted her, saving her from a more miserable life. She regrets having shown him such courtesy. The idea of being bought, exchanged for money, disgusts her.

Somehow her mind drifts back to Klaus, shame and remorse swallowing her whole. She used to think Hargreeves broke Ben the most, but maybe it wasn’t true.

“Are you okay?” Five asks, suddenly noticing her glossy eyes.

She shakes her head. “I’ve always thought about myself. I was so blind, all those years-”

“What are you talking about?”

“Klaus” she says sadly. “He tortured him for years. And I thought I had it worse” she adds in self derision.

He screws his eyes shut, a small frown making its way across his face. “What he did to you was unforgivable. I wouldn’t be myself without my power, it’s a part of you.”

“It was unforgivable, yes. What he did to all of us.”

Five shrugs and puts some distance between them as he looks out the window. “I’m fine”, he says, not bothering to look back when he hears her sighing softly. “Should we tell the others?”

Vanya presses her lips into a thin line, her mind already playing all the possible outcomes.

“I don’t think so”

“Neither do I” he agrees, meeting her eyes in a shared understanding. When Vanya breaks it off Five catches her expression changing, darkening.

“It wasn’t your fault, what happened to those women. Who knows what else happened with a baby with super strength and tentacles coming off one’s chest.”

She tenses. “Yet dad didn’t mention other dead nannies beside mine. Mum was built to keep me from hurting anyone else,” Her voice barely audible, “I was dangerous.”

“Children that age don’t understand death. You didn’t mean to kill them”

“How would you know? He talked about ‘accidents’, it could mean anything”

“I know you. You would never-”

“And haven’t I just proved you wrong?” and then, just like that, she is powerful Vanya again, with her hands clenched into fists and her fiery eyes. The second she faces him he glimpses the brightness of a lightning out the window and wonders for the first time whether there’s a connection there.

“That was different” he says as he pictures her in a white suit, “That wasn’t you”

“You don’t know me, Five!” she shouts, her eyes widening. “ _I_ don’t know who I am. The girl you knew? Pathetic, scared of her own shadow? She’s gone. I don’t even know if I was ever her at all, or she was just the result of constant drugging and nothing more.” She pauses for a heartbeat or two to collect her thoughts before going on, her voice now devoid of any emotion.

“I feel like I should warn you, I’m not her anymore. You may not like person I am to become.”

He takes his time observing her. He spent decades remembering her as a shy, little thing and he always liked her just the way she was. After so many years spent scavenging without using much of his power – with no one to impress, no praise to expect - the very thing that made him relevant at all, it occurred to him how cruel it was to keep her away because she had none. Her book helped a great deal in this regard, proving to him how much character she always possessed. But she’s right, she isn’t the same girl he remembers, nor the woman he met again in 2019. She is stronger and fierce and Five is intrigued. He might just grow to like this new Vanya as he did the other.

“I’ve changed too, Vanya” his voice is heavy, grave. Vanya is drawn to it. “You may not like me as well.”

“Then we’ll have to find out” She murmurs quietly.

“How much do you remember of it?”

Vanya opens her mouth to speak, only to close it again when no sound comes out. Changing the subject by dropping a bomb, so typical of Five.

“Everything,” she whispers. “It was like watching a movie. I remember what happened because I saw it, not for doing it myself. I felt… distant from everything around me, disconnected from reality.”

“What do you mean?” he asks softly. Vanya bits her lip aggressively, unsure whether to continue. But Five’s gaze is gentle on her, almost welcoming, and she desperately needs to talk to someone.

“This thing, inside me, it has always been there, silent. The moment I let it out it took over, and I couldn’t control it. I just let it happen because,” she sighs, “It stopped the pain. It felt like freedom and I wanted it, badly.”

“I can learn how to handle it, Five, I can” she adds, almost pleading for him to believe her.

“I know you can, or I wouldn’t have taken you with us.”

His words are purposefully harsh but they get to the point; Vanya’s first reaction is to cringe under his gaze until her eyes snap to his with nothing more but understanding.

“It’s late” she says suddenly, “I’ve deprived you of enough sleep already. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Five-” she calls before walking out the door, “Thank you.”

The second it takes him to nod she already left. Five lets go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding before aggressively running his hands through his hair. It’s in time like these that he misses Delores the most, his trustworthy companion. He can’t bring himself to voice his rage and his frustration and he would barely admit it in the privacy of his own mind, but Hargreeves words hurt him deeply. He would tell Delores if she were there.

He wonders if it were worth it, running away, conquering the freedom he craved for so long, the leap of courage Vanya praised. It cost him forty-five years of solitude. He knows or rather, must believe, it was for a reason: being able to come back, warn his family and save the world. Then he wouldn’t have suffered in vain, as Ben phrased it. Yet he can’t help but wonder if the Apocalypse would have still happened if he stayed around the first time.

He shakes his head. To think of what could have been is nothing more than a waste of time, the only thing to do is to work with what you have. And he has Vanya to worry about. Her ability makes her the most powerful being he’s ever met and, although he won’t ever tell her, he does share some of Luther’s concern about her destructive nature. If even Hargreeves chose to suppress her power instead of studying it he must have suspected something, if not precisely known, about the Apocalypse. If he’s sure of one thing, though, is that he doesn’t believe her to be a whole new person. He knows her empathy and kindness are still there and, more than her powers, those are the things that make her Vanya.

*

The following day Vanya wakes up with a clear plan in mind. She barely slept but for once her insomnia isn’t due to anxiety but excitement and anticipation instead. She takes her time in the bathroom, brushing her hair and styling her bangs to the side; she isn’t going to cover her face anymore.

When she hears mum ringing the bell, calling them for breakfast, she waits for her siblings to get downstairs before following them, making sure to reach the dining room seconds later than expected. She knows her father hates it.

She’s the last one to take her spot behind the chair, her brothers and sister still standing, waiting for their father to give them permission to sit. They curiously look at her, a question in their eyes. In the previous timeline she rarely gave Hargreeves reasons to admonish her, apart from being ordinary, that is. Or maybe they just noticed her hair is different. Vanya doesn’t spare them a glance: she only has eyes for their father, standing right in front of her.

“You’re late, number Seven” he says motioning for them to sit but Vanya doesn’t. The screeching noise of chairs being moved invades her head, but she keeps her gaze fixed on him.

“Sit, number Seven”

“I know.”

Her voice is steady, confident. She may have destroyed the world but that was more number Seven than Vanya’s doing. But this is her. She’s in control.

“Take your seat number Seven, no talking is allowed during mealtime”

She smirks. That’s what she was hoping for, the perfect excuse for a display of her greatness. None of her siblings touch their food. They stare at her, exchanging scared looks and carefully glancing at Hargreeves. Vanya loves it. She loves the attention, loves that they are noticing her. She’s the reason why their concern is growing, their heartbeat increasing. That’s how she wants everyone to look at her: intrigued and afraid.

The air is suddenly rent by the sound of cracking glass and then silence lays upon them like poison, filled only with the rhythmic sound of accelerated heartbeats, a concert Vanya alone is allowed to hear. Her father gracefully stands from his seat, slowly, staring at her like she’s the only one in the room. Fear flickers in his eyes and Vanya savors it.

“Number Seven”

His voice is low, careful. He doesn’t want to upset her to avoid further damage.

“I want to train.”

Vanya speaks calmly, collected. She can read the astonishment in his eyes.

“Number One to Six. You are excused from the table. Grace will find something for you in the kitchen”

“I mean them no harm. Nor you. They can stay.”

“I advise for them to leave”

Anger is building up within her but Vanya keeps it at bay. She can read in his cold eyes this is a test she’ll lose if she can’t stay in control. She doesn’t reply. To her surprise no one stands to leave, not even Luther, and she feels relief surging through her, giving her newfound strength.

“I want to train” she repeats, more confident than before.

“That’s far too dangerous. The unpredictability of your power requires its containment.”

“You couldn’t actually think the medicine would work forever”

“It should. You stopped taking it, I presume.”

“Of course I did!” she says in a throaty growl.

“Then you better resume it, number Seven. You do not understand the danger-”

“Enough!” she screams, the chandelier above their heads swinging slightly. “I won’t let you drug me ever again. I won’t let you lock me up – me and none of my brothers, not anymore!”

For the briefest moment she meets Klaus’s eyes, who visibly shudders.

“You cannot interfere with your siblings training”

“I do when it’s torture!”

Silence sets. She focuses on the noises coming from the chandelier as it gradually stops moving. It isn’t enough to calm her but the slowing pace helps her to collect her thoughts. Hargreeves observers her, studying the way she regains control. It’s unnerving but Vanya uses it to her advantage. She’ll show him she can handle it.

“I want to learn to control my power, and I need your help. There’s no other option, _dad_. You either train me or kill me.”

She hears Allison sharp intake of breath and feels Five’s piercing eyes on her, but she doesn’t break eye contact, as if it’s a matter of life and death, and in a way it is. She didn’t waste time wondering why he chose to let her live – a miserable life but one nonetheless. Either he took pity on her or just didn’t care enough to end her life. Whatever the answer, it’s the ace up her sleeve.

Vanya holds his stare, unblinking, competing in what is, at its core, a game of dominance.

“Very well.” He concedes eventually.

“You’ll start tomorrow. But-” he folds his hands behind his back, feigning authority, “You will train with me alone for the time being. When you are able to control yourself then you’ll be allowed to join your brothers and sister.”

Vanya blinks, “Fair enough”

Then she storms out of the room. She runs to the courtyard without glancing back, stopping only to catch her breath. She presses her palms to her forehead, eyes wide as she forces herself to take regular breaths, to steady her heartbeat. She stood her ground with dad and it felt marvelous but it consumed all of her energy. She takes it as a good sign, if she’s too tired to convey power she won’t cause damage despite her emotional turmoil. As the adrenaline starts fading Vanya feels dizzy and exhausted.

Fear follows when Vanya starts panicking, regretting for a moment the stunt she pulled. What about the consequences? Will dad punish her or the others? She remembers how he broke them after Five disappearance. She finds herself shaking and overwhelmed, and when she hears rushed steps behind her she feels like a caged prey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where the actual plot starts! A few things to mention: I know that in the bank robbery scene Hargreeves says to the reporters the children parents have been compensated but I like to think he never really explained to the children how he got them, simply because it was irrelevant for them to know. Sure, they probably figured it out since they're not stupid but I wanted to make it a point because I find awful the idea of paying for children and in my hc maybe Vanya would have felt it more than others because she was the 'ordinary' one, meaning it was something that he kept her after all.
> 
> As for Vanya: I know she may look very OOC and probably she is, but from my point of view her personality was suppressed alongside her power so in this fic it's like season1!Vanya was never the real Vanya, rather the person she would have become if she had always been aware of who she is ancd what she can do. After rewatching some episodes I noticed she starts answering back to Allison when she stops using her pills, before snapping into psycho mode. And well, the book is ballsy too, she spent months writing it to act the only kind of revenge she could achive; it requires planning so she thought well what to say and how to say it. So she was badass also under medication, she just didn't know. About her powers, canonically she can do the things listed here [Vanya Hargreeves](https://umbrellaacademy.fandom.com/wiki/Vanya_Hargreeves_\(Netflix\)) but I will explore more!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it, let me know what you think!


	5. Team means family

“Vanya, hey, you’re shaking”, calls a soft voice.

She turns frightened to find a concerned Klaus looking hesitantly at her. Without thinking she’s tearing towards him, hugging him tensely at first and with a renewed tenderness when he hugs her back.

“You were amazing there, Vanya”

When they part Klaus keeps a hand on her shoulder and she’s grateful for the comfort, something he seems to understand by the way he peers at her.

“How did you know?”

Vanya looks at his sad, earnest eyes and decides on the spot she doesn’t want to lie to him, despite what she agreed with Five.

“I went through dad’s notes the other night. It was written there”

He closes his eyes, his face contorting in pain. She can’t stand the sight.

“I won’t let it happen again. I promise”

“I believe you” he says looking at her again and Vanya knows he mean it. “I’m sorry”, he adds, but Vanya stops him before he can go on,

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry I wrote those things about you… I wish I had been more sensitive. I guess I- I never really bothered to actually get to know you” she says, unable to look at him in the eye.

“Then there’s two of us. It’s okay, we have time now. And, well, your book was quite a hot topic, wasn’t it?” he chuckles. “I know why you did it. I would have done something like that too, had I known how to properly write”

Vanya wasn’t expecting understanding, not from the one that suffered more than everyone else and kept it all to himself, despite the constant judgement. But that’s the very reason Klaus, more than others, would be the one to recognize a copying mechanism.

“Yeah” he continues, following the strings of her thoughts. “I hope it helped a little”

“Not as much as it should have. This helps more”, she says as she gently squeezes his arm, sharing a smile with him.

“It’s not your fault, you know” he says quietly, “It’s not our fault. He never cared”

She glances down, shrugging.

“Vanya, I talked to him, when he was dead.”

Her eyes snap back to him, “You conjured dad? What did he say?”

“I don’t think we got to talk about it in the last week, I’m assuming you don’t know. He… He killed himself to get us all back together. He told me ”

Her hands fly to cover her mouth as she takes a step back, “That’s sick…”

“I know. Listen, you remember he always kept telling us we were meant to save the world?”

Vanya winces, a grimace marking her face.

“Right, maybe more _us_ than you – still, he told me that’s what he expects us to do, what he thinks we’re meant to be. That’s why is so important that we stick together, so there won’t be any apocalypse at all!”

Seeing her unsure he adds, “I believe you can do it. And hell, I’m not your best choice when it comes to emotional stuff, but I’ll be there if you need me. I understand what it’s like, when you’re… afraid”

“Klaus,” she whispers, “Thank you”

She hugs him again.

*

As soon as Vanya leaves the room a tense silence follows but no one dares break it. Five’s first instinct is to hurry after her but in the blink of an eye he catches Klaus jumping to his feet, purposefully making more noises than necessary as he shoots Hargreeves a glare, before sprinting after Vanya. Hargreeves doesn’t call for him, nor he does for Vanya, and in a moment he regain his composure, sitting down again.

“You may eat” he urges.

As a shared feeling of unease settle in, the rest of them start sharing concerned looks. Five clearly sees no one is even remotely thinking at the meal in front of them but all the same he can read in their faces a quiet fear of their father’s reaction if they were all to leave. It bothers him to no end, especially when a burning pride is eating him up from the inside and he needs to tell her, needs to share it with her.

He’s the first to rise from his chair and suddenly it’s like he breaks the spell for the others too: Ben and Diego immediately follow, Allison and Luther right behind. Hargreeves watches them leave without a word and Five knows enough to understand it’s a specific move, allowing them to go. If he tried to stop them now he wouldn’t succeed for the magnitude of the event is too great for him to restrict, it wouldn’t be wise. He’ll get back at them in other ways, he’s sure. But that’s not the time to worry about it.

At the sight of Vanya and Klaus hugging in the distance an unfamiliar pang burst within him. He doesn’t notice he clenched his fists until after he’s released them. The unwelcomed feeling last less than a second and Five is suddenly left with only a fading lingering in the back of his head. It happens so quickly he doesn’t acknowledge it, subconsciously chastising displays of affection.

“Vanya!” shouts Ben, “What you did back there… amazing! No one ever kept up to dad like that since Five and you definitely outperformed him – no offence” Ben adds, turning to him.

“None taken” he says with a wide grin, relishing her blushing cheeks.

“You scared me quite a bit! The chandelier though – nice touch, Vanya!”

She offers Allison a tight smile, deciding against telling her sister it wasn’t intentional and she almost lost control. They’re all cheering around her and she’s the happiest she’s ever been; even Diego gives her an approving smile, his eyes glowing with a newfound respect. It’s probably the best compliment he ever gave her.

“I think it’s time we talk to dad” says Luther, eventually, taking in the confused looks they are giving him.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be recorded anymore. If we have complaints, this is the best time to talk about it.”

Vanya observes him quietly. Luther used to be the naivest out of them, never truly freeing himself from dad’s control. Him taking initiative it’s the greatest evidence things are starting to change.

“You’ve really grown up, Spaceboy!” cheers a very impressed Diego, putting into words what they’re all thinking.

“I don’t want to kill anyone” says Ben in a grave voice. “I didn’t consider telling him, he’s never with us on missions anyway. But now I think I will.”

“I agree,” cuts Allison, “I’m not manipulating people into hurting each other. I’m done with that shit”

“So, we’re ruling out excessive violence – fine. But don’t expect me to play nice if we deal with dickheads”

“I’m with Diego on this” adds Five.

“Good, that’s good” says Luther. Then, turning to Vanya, “When you talked about being locked up… I’m sorry for that”

She instinctively tenses her muscles, taken aback. She hasn’t entirely forgiven him yet but knows better than blaming it all on him. They have to move forward, and she sees he’s moving in the right direction too. Part of her will likely always despises him a little for betraying her trust, but if Allison forgave her for almost ending her life she can certainly forgive Luther for doing what he thought to be the best course of action in an extreme situation.

“It’s okay, Luther. It’s in the past now. Maybe don’t do it again”

“Right” he shrugs, “Thanks for er, standing up for us too not being locked up” he finishes awkwardly. Vanya bits her lips, at a loss for words.

“That was for _me_ , actually, monkey boy, but I’m glad you’re thankful too”

“Klaus…” starts Ben, unsure of what to say.

“Oh, come on, this is quality family time, perfect to spill the beans” he goes on putting an arm on Vanya’s shoulder, “We were both locked up as kids, anyone else to join the club?” he snorts lightly hysterical.

“Show off” chuckles Ben, the only one who dares to speak. The rest of them look from one to the other worryingly until Klaus smirks at him. “You really know me, brother” he says fondly, communicating in a language they don’t understand, still oblivious to the connection they built over the years.

“This only proves that we can’t waste any more time to talk to dad” says Luther solemnly. “I want us to be together. To show a united front.”

“Shouldn’t we wait a little? He’s probably still out of his mind-”

“That’s exactly why we need to act now”

“Alright! Alright,” cries Luther to stop the chaos, “We should vote”

“No need. I think we all agree this is the best time” says Five in a commanding manner, his hands in his pocket. He fits so naturally the role of the leader Vanya suspects things would have gone completely different the first time around, if it had been him.

*

“I will oblige to your requests as long as the Umbrella Academy remains effective. I want to see results, both in training and missions. As for you, number Seven, don’t expect to be allowed to join your siblings any time soon, until you master control.”

“I understand”

“Well then, you’re dismissed. You have thirty minutes from now to get ready to start your training. Number Seven!” he calls as the others start to leave.

“Dad?”

“You will stay. I want you to tell me what you’ve discovered of your powers so far. We need a solid base to work on.”

His authoritative tone almost makes her want to defy him although she expected him to ask. It’s a good idea to put down what she knows and she likely would have done so herself, so she closes the door of her father’s study and goes standing in front of his desk.

“I want to know something too”

He lifts his eyes from the notes he’s already taking to look at her. His stare feels odd, foreign: he never once paid her any attention and suddenly she concerns him so much he’s willing to waste his time for her.

“Why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance? No one would have known”

He leans back in his chair as he studies her, his face blank. Vanya feels a lonely, useless child again under is gaze but tries hard not to give in to shyness or distress, keeping her hands clasped behind her back from shaking, but she’s too tired and too overwhelmed to hold his gaze and ends up looking down. Only then he answers her, as humiliation burns her cheeks red.

“It wasn’t necessary.”

“Did you care?”

She knows she’s digging her own grave but asks anyway, her curiosity is too strong.

“We better get started” he says pulling out his journal, his attention already shifted.

Vanya chokes back tears.

*

It’s past dinnertime when Vanya goes to Allison’s room, her sister already waiting for her with the biggest smile.

“Vanya! The hero of the day!”

She shifts her weight from one leg to the other and chuckles, “All in less than 12 hours, I deserve a doughnut!”

“Only one? I'd say bomboloni from Petrola’s Bakery!”

“God Allison, now I’m starving” she giggles joining her sister on the bed. It feels nice being together, like friends at a sleepover. “So, how was your training?"

"Exhausting, I’m too old for some of those stuff! What about dad?”

“Interesting, actually - cold hearted as always with the renew interest of a hunter over its prey, but that’s quite the usual” she chuckles, closely followed by Allison.

“You said it, sister!”

“Allison… How are you doing?”

Allison grins a too perfect smile for it to be real.

“I know I haven't been much of a company lately but… I want to be there for you”

The lighthearted atmosphere breaks apart. It takes Allison one first tear to break down and all Vanya can do is embrace her, letting the torrent of her tears soak through her nightshirt. Allison screams silently, the sobs coming out with each breath muffled by the light blue fabric on Vanya’s shoulder.

“My daughter is gone forever… I will never hold her again, hear her laughter. I’m a mother with no daughter”

Vanya runs her fingers through her hair, speechless. It’s a pain so great she can barely imagine how much it’s tearing Allison apart and she doesn’t know what to say to comfort her mourning sister. She just listens.

“I thought about it” she says sniffing, pulling back from Vanya to grab some piece of paper from her nightstand. Vanya reads a few confused lines with names scribbled upon them, displaying Allison possible future. In a childlike way she pictures Five cringing for such a primitive representation of timelines.

“To have Claire I would have to marry Patrick first, but I met him as an actress, there’s no way I’d get to meet such a famous film producer without climbing the social ladder and – what if I’m not talented enough to be an actress without my power? No, don’t say that I am” she cuts off Vanya’s attempt to speak, “You don’t know, I don’t know – there’s no way of knowing. But let’s say I am, would Patrick fall in love with me again without me humoring him into it?” Allison rambles.

“Vanya…” she whispers, scared to voice her next words, “What if I don’t fall in love with him this time around?”

Vanya’s heart fills with sadness at the hurt seeping out through her sister’s eyes. The truth is, there aren’t good enough words for comfort, there is only the reality they live in.

“Maybe you’re right, maybe Claire is gone…”

“She is! Even if everything played out the way it did before she wouldn’t be the same Claire, my Claire-” her voice cracks, succumbing to the pain.

Vanya caresses the girl crunched against her, feeling Allison’s pain as her own. She never felt such heartbreak for someone else before, and she selfishly hopes to never experience it first-hand, for she knows Allison will never stop grieving the loss of her daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you're liking it so far. I guess you may think Reginald is too soft in this fic, I certainly thought so, and well, he is. I thought a lot about what kind of character I wanted him to be but eventually I decided I didn't care for him being more of a villain than he makes himself. I don't like him but I think in the end he's doing what he thinks it's best to protect the world, doesn't matter who suffers in the process because he just doesn't care. I think if the Umbrella Academy works - which is his goal - he doesn't give a shit about what the children do or don't do, as long as they are efficient. I wanted to point this out to make it clear. He's abusive and a bit of a sadist but I don't believe he takes great pleasure in mistreating the children, they're just means to an end.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	6. I think we're alone now

Hargreeves shows up with a tuning fork on Vanya’s first day of training and it triggers long forgotten memories. It isn’t a good sign: it makes her angry and anger is harder to control; combined with her heavy heart from the conversation she had with Allison the previous night Vanya doesn’t feel in the ideal mood to practice her powers. Despite her excitement she feels a rising anxiety in her chest as she follows her father to the courtyard, where Vanya can hear in the distance the sounds of the city’s busy life. She notices Hargreeves left his monocle in his study before starting her training, and it makes her wonder whether he fears she would use it to hurt him. To her own surprise the idea sickens her.

“An open space might help you focus on bigger items and it may prove to be less stressful than a closed environment. Before trying to channel your powers onto objects I want you to master control on the ambience around you.”

He strikes the tuning fork, “Feel the wind. Embrace it.”

Vanya closes her eyes.

“Concentrate, number Seven!”

Vanya struggles. She feels the wind coming alive inside of her, filling her like she’s its designed vessel. But it’s too raw, too strong for her to channel: she ends up wrecking a ledge. She gasps for air, suddenly frightened.

“Breath, number Seven. That will happen again until you learn.”

She keeps trying. She preys on her emotions to channel the sounds around her, to transform them into energy. But the main feeling in always anger, an atavistic rage that fuels her powers. Vanya’s furious. With her father, with her siblings, with the world, with herself. She must learn to handle it, to feed on it and not let it feed on her because that’s what happened the first time: anger opened the path to destruction, and she can’t let it happen again. Hargreeves is demanding but he allows her to take regular breaks, a luxury her siblings don’t have, aware as he is that her powers must not be pushed into exhaustion. He keeps writing down notes, which terribly annoys Vanya, but she keeps it to herself, torn apart between her hunger for control and the desire to make him proud. For how much she resents it, she knows deep down that no matter how much he hurt her – some sick part of her craves the fear and respect he paid her the previous day.

She focuses back on her task. The process of what to do is clear in her mind, but to act on it it’s the hardest thing she ever did. It burns her body and shake her hands but eventually, with a moderate amount of pain, instead of losing control she takes hold of her anger and pushes it out in the form of energy. With her arms stretched forward and the coolness of beads of sweats sliding down her temples, she bursts into waves of energy floating around.

She smiles proudly, relishing the shadow of a smile on her father’s sharp features. She moves her hands to direct the waves mostly for show than anything else, her mind perfectly in control.

After the success of her morning training, in a quiet, shared moment when Vanya and her father are heading back for lunch, Vanya hopes he’s in a good enough mood to dare make a request.

“I want to learn to protect myself, beside my powers.”

She’s been thinking about this for years: it was cruel not to include her in the group for her supposed lack of powers, but it was even worse to make her a liability by never teaching her how to fight.

“It’s not a matter of ‘wanting’, number Seven. You must. I’ve already arranged for you to start on Monday with a professional, you’ll have to catch up with your siblings.”

She looks at him in disbelief.

“From now on your schedule will consist with morning training with me and combat training in the afternoon. Furthermore, _ah!_ – number Two,” He says gesturing to Diego, who stands at the doorpost behind her. They share an awkward glance before turning their attention back to Hargreeves.

“We might finally put your powers at use, number Two. I want you to teach your sister breathing techniques” he turns to her, “That you are required to include in your daily routine.”

He regards them both a little longer before walking away, not expecting an answer. Vanya stands there is shock, unwilling to face Diego.

“Meet me in my r-room after lunch, we’ll be more c-comfortable there”

The last thing she wants is to be a burden to him, but when he talks his voice is gentle and as Vanya searches his eyes for deception she can’t find the smallest hint of annoyance.

“All right,” She says, suddenly relieved.

*

“I think I’ve tired you enough for today,” says Diego making his way to his bed, “You’re m-managed well after only a couple hours. I’m impressed”

“Thank you”

Vanya can’t keep a small smile from making its way on her face. This is the longest she has ever spent with Diego and yet she pretty much enjoyed every minute.

“You’re a good teacher though, we should share the praise”

“Better than dad I hope”

“Well, it’s not that hard to be better than him”

“No, I suppose no. Don’t stand like that in the middle of the room, come on. I’m feeling awkward for you”

Her eyes snap to his in shock. “Right, sorry, we’re finished. I’ll see you at dinner?”

“What? No, just come sit here”

She tilts her head to the side, glancing to the spot on the bed he’s pointing at for her to take and back at him, confusion written all over her face. Diego sighs.

“Or just stay there, whatever. I know you’re just taking ad-advantage of my mirror”

Vanya grins, glad he’s giving her a way out. Diego is nice but it’s too early for them to just be friends.

“Can you blame me? It’s huge and I have none!” she chortles, followed by Diego in a heartbeat.

“You know, you’re actually quite cool. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before”

Vanya freezes. “Diego. You too.”

Suddenly the same mix of compassion and shame she felt when reading her father’s words on number Two comes back to her.

“I’m sorry about the things I wrote. I know they hurt you, they were meant to. It was my revenge, I guess, in the only way I thought I could get it. I won’t do it again this time, I promise.”

It all comes out like a flood and Vanya is profoundly shocked at how relieved it makes her feel to take the load off her chest.

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t”

Her eyes widen. Was Diego always so surprising? First Allison, then Klaus, now Diego. How much of her siblings she never got to know?

“It was very well written, I’ll give you that. And it would be nice to have a-” he stutters a little on the next word, “R- Record of us, especially if we stick together this time. Just maybe ask before writing some stuff” he says giving her a hard stare.

Vanya is speechless.

“I want 50% of profit of course!”

She smirks, grateful to him once again for resolving on sarcasm.

“I’ll give you 10%, nothing more!”

He smirks back. “Then we have a deal.”

They settle into a lighthearted atmosphere, sharing a silence filled with a lingering sense of companionship and her heart stutters with joy. It does start to feel like they can truly become friends and that hope alone is enough to brighten the room, with Diego glancing out of the window to check how the clouds inexplicably disappeared. Vanya flushes but luckily for her Diego doesn’t date the event back to her powers and she can take a sigh of relief.

“Whatever. So, I haven’t heard you playing the violin lately” he says, carefully watching her.

“Yeah. I haven’t since… Well”

Vanya wants to crawl away, the sense of comfort gone.

“I think you should try again”

“What!?”

“Think about it. If we don’t learn to control our fears we’re as good as dead. Vanya,” he calls for her when she stays silent. “I want you to know something. I know you’re excited about your powers, as you should be. I understand because we’ve all been there, but don’t make your life revolve around it. You’re more than your powers, okay?”

There’s a weariness in his voice that makes her listen to him. If he said any other word or just the same but in a different order she probably would have snapped. Instead she feels guilty for realizing how prone to anger she has become. She knows he’s right.

“I think I needed to hear that. Diego-”

Her next words get cut off by a deafening alarm going off. Diego jumps on his feet, frenziedly searching for something, almost tearing his drawer apart. He already forgot about her.

 “Shit! Where the hell is my mask?”

Vanya steps out on the corridor. All around her she hears hurried cries and she catches Allison who glances apologetically at her, then Five who jumps to her floor to wave her goodbye before joining the others downstairs.

*

It’s past dinner time when they make it back, and they look glorious. Vanya hears them giggling from her closed door, willing herself to keep control. It’s not their fault she can’t go on missions but she can’t help envy from poisoning her heart as she listens to mum giving them compliments. She can tell they had a good time, they’re happy and relaxed and their heartbeats just give it all away.

“You’re making it rain”

Vanya jerks back in shock and the room shakes.

“You’re upset” goes on Five, “It affects the weather.”

“And you weirdo thought startling me would do any good?” She cries, noticing the way his lips quirks up into a faint smirk.

“And I knew that” she adds hastily, crossing her arms.

“You know, when you’re feeling murderous you might want to direct your attention to my portrait”

Vanya snorts. “I hate it”

“Oh my, me too. I keep wondering why he doesn’t take it off now that the original’s back”

Vanys bursts into giggles.

“Why would he? It’s meant to remind us not to disobey rather than honoring you. Sorry to hurt your feelings”

Five grins widely and the sight of him is so appealing to Vanya she has to tear her eyes away to avoid staring.

“I was going to tell you about the mission”

Vanya scoffs, irritated. She almost managed to get the thought of it out of her head but once again the familiar pangs in her gut return. He’s studying her in a way that reminds Vanya of Hargreeves and it sends a shiver up her spine. She glances down at her hands, trembling lightly, and she doesn’t need to look out the window to know the rain hasn’t stopped. She has to calm down but doesn’t want to scare Five all the same. Although she won’t admit it, she’s thankful he came to see her.

In the end she just crashes on her bed pointing at Five to do the same.

“Stay with me for a while? I need to cool off. No talking about the mission, thanks” she adds quickly as soon as he joins her.

“Just tell me about one of your impossible physics theories I can’t even begin to hope to understand.”

He rises one eyebrow at her, his chin slightly tucked. “Come again?”

For a moment it feels like nothing changed, they’re real teenagers sharing thoughts and wishes, being friends with an unknown ‘more’ lingering between them; him talking about his theories, her pouring out her frustration and both listening to the other like they’re the only ones that matter in a fucked up world-

“I’m, er- it’s just. Your voice is soothing, when you’re not being an asshole. It might help.”

“Right”

He says, barely managing to devoid his voice of any emotion, his face blank. As soon as he opens his mouth he knows he’s failing for he can feel his own cheeks burning, and pointedly avoids her eyes. He hates his teenage body for making him react this way and hates Vanya even more for causing it.

*

The next day Five is working on some very complicated equations that would let him time travel again. He hasn’t decided yet whether he wants to try again or not but he needs to be ready to act when The Commission comes looking for him. There’s no reason to believe they wouldn’t, since he already changed the timeline consistently; it worries him they haven’t made contact yet nor tried to kill him or his family.

He’s lost in numbers and symbols when he hears an annoying tune from outside his room, followed by laughter and rushed steps.

“Don’t! We shouldn’t be together, it’s the rule!”

He’d recognize her voice among billions. He doesn’t even bother get out of his desk’s chair first, he just blips in front of his door opening it with burning curiosity. In Ben’s room Vanya and Ben are awkwardly dancing, the two of them smiling so broadly he wonders how their jaw doesn’t hurt.

“Five!”

Vanya stops moving abruptly, her hands covering her mouth. Her eyes are bright and her cheeks embarrassingly red and Five thinks for the first time since they made it back that she looks quite beautiful. She keeps glancing back and forth from Five to Ben until locking eyes with the latter and erupting into a heartfelt laugh.

“I told you we should have been in our own rooms!”

“What is this?”

“Oh, don’t be grumpy, just dance!” cries Ben, who looks like he’s having the time of his life.

“I don’t dan-”

“Luther used to put this on from time to time. It’s ten past noon on Saturday, our allowed playtime,” cuts in Vanya, air quoting the word ‘playtime’, “So, dad can’t complain”

“And you know what, you interrupted us the last time we did this so shut up and dance, the song is ending!”

“Wait, you weren’t even there?” asks a very confused Vanya.

“I was with Klaus the whole time, why does everyone tend to forget it?”

“And I did what, exactly? I don’t remember even doing any of this”

“It was just before you came back in 2019,” says Vanya, “And we only started doing this after you left… Anyway, we don’t usually dance together” she adds glowering at Ben who shrugs.

“You could have returned my book five minutes earlier and this wouldn’t have happened, not my fault” he says raising his arms with his palms forward in an unaware and clueless gesture, resulting in Vanya rolling her eyes.

“You keep dancing, then”

“With you watching us? No way” Vanya says to Five half joking, half serious. “You have to embarrass yourself too” she finishes with a smirk mirrored on Five’s face.

“Oh, don’t get started with the staring contest. Vanya, he’s just jealous because he can’t dance”

“Right, because we can?” she chuckles.

“Hush! Oh, and the song’s ended. Well done Five, you just ruined my first dance since coming back from the dead”

“We’ll do this again! By the way, if we’re done here I guess I’ll see you later” says Vanya in a half smile as she leaves, hurrying to Allison’s room. Despite Five’s interruption she enjoyed herself and an amazing, exciting idea made its way into her mind.

“I have a proposition,” She begins after carefully closing the door.

“Shoot”

“How would you feel about going out?”

“To Griddy’s? We have lunch in a hour, we wouldn’t make it back in time”

“No,” she smiles mischievously, “How about we go out for beers tonight?”

“Are you crazy?”

“Why not? We used to sneak out to get doughnuts after all”

“That was different, and we’re underage now, no one would serve us alcohol”

“Right. Such a pity none of us has the power to make people do things.” She remarks smirking, hands on her hips.

Allison bits her lower lip, a smile starting to form on her face. “We don’t have training tomorrow, we could sleep longer in the morning”

“So?”

“Deal!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo here I am! I loved writing about Vanya powers and I stressed it about anger and how to channel it because personally I see it somehow resembling the concept behind Darth Vader's arc from Star Wars or the Dark Phoenix from X-men, don't know if you're into that. Anyway, I think it's interesting how such great powers react to her mood, and it will be addressed again since this is fiveya and strong emotions (like love shh) complicate everything... 
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter and possibly the next will be a little bit slower and longer but I need to set the tone for what's to come!


	7. The children aren't children anymore

“So, this dancing. It was a thing?” Five asks, suddenly quiet. He certainly doesn’t care about dancing and music, but it hurts he missed one of the few nice things his siblings shared.

“Pretty much, yeah. But the rest was shit as always”

“Hm.” He mumbles, his hands deep in his pocket.

“Will you tell me about it?”

It's clear to both of them what Five is asking about, his low voice giving it all away. Ben winces but he isn’t surprised, Five is the only sibling who doesn’t know what happened. He was expecting him to ask, sooner or later.

“Close the door.” He demands.

Ben shrugs. “I never really explained it to anyone. The others kind of saw it happening, Vanya was told.”

“It was on mission then?”

“Yes. There isn’t much to tell actually,” he says, “I just- I just let the monster take control and it attacked me.”

“Ben, you _let_ it?” Five’s voice cracks and he needs to swallow before finding it again. “Did you kill yourself?”

Ben shakes his head in frustration but holds Five gaze. “I didn’t want to keep doing _that_. Killing people is not my thing, it made me sick and yet that’s what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t take it anymore, Five. Once, while in the middle of it, I decided to stop. The monster still had bodies in his grasp and I willed it to retreat... It became a war between us two and in the end I knew I would have had to keep hurting people… so I let it hurt me. I’m just a vessel, without me the monster can’t kill anyone.”

“I’m so sorry, Ben”

Five just stands there awkwardly, almost regretting he asked. He had pictured a whole different scenario, especially since Vanya didn’t go into details in her book, omitting the part of Ben’s half suicide.

“Don’t blame yourself.” Says Ben to dispel the newfound tension in the air.

“What?” asks Five, his eyes perking up to look at him in confusion.

“It would have happened even if you stayed.”

Five clenches his jaw, “Maybe.”

“Since we’re at it. Care to tell me what happened to you?”

Five unconsciously shifts his weight from one leg to the other, “What part?”

“Well, I know you worked with those lunatics and I guess with the friendly guys who showed up at the theatre?”

“They were sent by the Temps Commission, the organization I worked for.”

“Right. What about before that?”

Five leans against the frame, raising a hand to cover his eyes. “I was alone. Utterly and hopelessly.”

“How did you cope?”

Finally, in a slow, painful movement Five meets Ben’s gaze. He looks genuinely concerned but his compassion is hard to bear and yet Five feels it easier to accept it than it felt with Vanya.

“God, Ben. If I had stayed on my own I would have gone insane or killed myself. I… I needed to pretend I wasn’t alone.”

“So, the mannequin.”

“Del-” He sighs. “Yes. The mannequin”

Ben sinks back on his bed, taking his brother in, with his hunched shoulders and hands stuffed in his pockets. He spent almost thirteen years of his death witnessing Klaus’s defeat at life, and it had been heart wrenching. Seeing Five this way too hurts just as much and in a different, more insidious way. Five was supposed to be the brother with a witty comeback for everyone and everything, too strong to break. He heatedly blames Hargreeves for this, for being surprised by Five being human.

“Do you miss her?” He tries gently but when Five glares at him he hastily adds, “I’m not being condescending. It seems normal that after so long it stopped being just an object.”

“Solitude can do funny things to the mind.”

He mutters instead of answering, his eyes fixed somewhere over Ben’s shoulder. Does he miss Delores? Part of him does, for sure. He’s somehow relived to not have her around as well, for he would likely end up talking more to himself than other living beings. After all he had decided to let her go when he thought the Apocalypse was over, to allow himself to start anew. When he first started talking to her he just imagined it to be Vanya. It’s a cruel parallel, he knows, but she was always so quiet and collected, listening to everything he had to say, it was easy to project her into it. By the time he found her book she had gotten her own voice, her own words, and he wasn’t allowed to put his in her mouth anymore. So the _it_ became Delores.

Coming back to himself Five notices Ben looking at him, politely waiting for him to say more. Suddenly very self-aware of himself he releases the tension from his shoulders and clears his throat.

“I have some equations to go back to.”

 “Oh. Sure,” Ben’s eyes widen in understanding; the conversation in over. “Lat-”

Five doesn’t let him finish, jumping to his room and slamming the door shut. As upsetting as it can be, an unexpected revelation occurs to Five, something that lingered in the back of his mind since the previous night but that he purposefully overlooked: the more time he spends with Vanya the less he needs to think about Delores.

*

Months pass. They keep going on missions, Vanya keeps training separately from them, and many remarkable things happen. Vanya starts playing her violin again, scaring the hell out of everyone, Hargreeves included. He may not know what causes the Apocalypse but Five is surer than ever he quite suspects Vanya may be the cause, so he makes her practice the instrument as a specific part of her training. It’s clear to everyone by now her emotions heavily affect her powers and most of the times they resent approaching her when she isn’t in her best mood. Five usually overlooks any possible danger, certain she wouldn’t hurt him, but it’s Vanya in the first place to keep her distance when needed.

They get along well enough but the dynamics of the group are pretty different since his time; despite not going on missions together Vanya grows closer with the others too and he has yet to get used not being her only friend and confident. He notices Vanya tends to spend more time with Allison than him, the two of them usually looking quite close and almost glaring at anyone who dares come too near when they share their secrets. It doesn’t really bother him; he knows Vanya always wanted a sister that would actually behave as such, and he paid attention to this grown up version of Allison since he came back – she wants a sister too and is happy to be Vanya’s.

The next remarkable thing are Klaus’s new powers. It takes everyone by surprise and pleases Hargreeves immensely. Five just never bothered doing so, but it makes a lot of sense to think about it. Klaus started using drugs around thirteen and definitely stopped only a year ago, around the time of the Apocalypse. It was the amount of time he needed to detox completely, along with eating healthy and sleeping in a real bed.

It happens during a mission, when a couple of robbers get knocked down with no one touching them and the members of the Umbrella Academy look at each other hoping to understand what the hell just happened, until a very shocked Klaus stares in disbelief at something they can’t see and mutters: “Thank you, I guess.”

The only one who seem to understand is a very proud Ben. “You learned how to make them do things!”

The others need more explaining later, in the presence of a very impressed Hargreeves. “Took you long enough, number Four.”

It turns out Klaus can command the ghosts to follow his orders. Not that he does, obviously, and it makes Five cringe any time he hears him asking “Please” when talking to them. He’s quite happy for his brother nonetheless, especially after learning the truth about him from his father’s journal. He’s always been so dismissive of him, never willing to understand his struggle, that one day he decides to let him know how proud of him he actually is.

It’s evening when he goes up to Klaus’s room and finds him with his eyes closed in concentration, his arms crossed on his chest.

“What do you want?” He asks hoarsely.

Not a good start. This isn’t what Five was expecting. He learned to be quiet and unpredictable, how come goofy Klaus heard him approaching?

“Well done. For the other day.”

“Hm.”

“Are you trying to do it again?”

“No”

“Conjuring someone?”

“Yes. And it’s not working.” Klaus answers firmly, no hint of glee or humor in his voice.

An alarm in Five’s mind goes off. Something’s definitely wrong; it isn’t Klaus in front of him, harsh, without even the ghost of a smile on his face. He’s sure he saw him laughing with Vanya and Diego just a couple hours ago.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay to you?”

“There’s no need to be this curt, Klaus!”

“Right. Then leave”

Five pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance. After a brief internal debate he decides to give it another try.

“You never told me about your time travel”

Klaus snorts, “Why would I?”

“What the hell, Klaus?” Five eventually snaps, “What is wrong with you?”

In an uncharacteristic air of authority Klaus stands up and glowers at Five, his nails buried into his palms.

“What’s wrong with me? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me. I got tortured instead of you when you were too busy getting drunk. Then I ended up in the Vietnam War in fucking 1968 for ten months,” He pauses, relishing how Five’s eyes widen at his words, “And you know what? I had the briefcase with me and I could have left any time but I stayed,” He swallows harshly, “Because I found something worth staying for. Someone I loved more than anything and who loved _me_ ” His voice painfully cracks.

“The dog tags?” Five asks as softly as he can.

_They belonged to a friend._

Five doesn’t need to hear the rest to know how it ends. He sees it in Klaus wet eyes, in the way his chin trembles. He wants to look away, give him some privacy to mourn his loss, still burning after all this time. He can’t stand the sight of him, desperate and resigned. He won’t ever allow himself to experience this kind of pain, too. He had more than enough on his own.

“I can’t see him” Whispers Klaus as he takes a few steps back. “I’m the one who can see the fucking dead and I keep trying but he never comes. And I’ll never see him again. I don’t care that dad’s happy with me now,” He spits, “So leave me alone.”

For the briefest moments he seems to revert back to himself, his harshness gone. But then he turns his back to Five who takes the hint and jumps away.

*

Vanya’s life goes on smoothly. She makes it a habit to sneak out with Allison and it’s the best thing she ever did, powers included. They wander around during night time, stopping from bar to bar. She doesn’t drink much; she’s still learning how to get a grip on her powers and must always be careful or she might kill people without even noticing.

The most amazing news, however, are Klaus’s new powers. She’s getting warmed up one early morning, waiting for her father to tutor her on the task currently at hand: releasing small and controlled blasts of energy. But to her surprise it isn’t him to show up, but Klaus, looking dazed himself for being there.

“Apparently we’re supposed to train together.”

He tells her, looking pleased at her smiling to him.

And so they do. Hargreeves experiments all sorts of things, checking if Vanya powers can effect the dead, or whether Klaus can maintain control on them when they’re within Vanya’s energy shields. The strangest thing happens once, when Vanya starts shouting during her training, sending waves of energy all around.

“Number Seven, calm down! You’re tearing the building apart!”

“I’m not Vanya! I’m Klaus! Get me out, get me out!”

The mess lasts for a few more dreadful seconds, until Klaus finally retrieve to his own body leaving an incredibly confused Vanya. “Klaus? What happened?”

“I, I think-” He says shaking from head to toe, his eyes fixed on his hands. He looks so bad Vanya fears he might just throw up on the spot.

“He took possess of your body, number Seven.” Explains Hargreeves, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“That’s exactly what I was expecting of you, number Four.”

“He looks sick, he needs to rest!”

Vanya tells him pleadingly, afraid he would want to push Klaus now more than ever, and he already reached his limit for the day.

“Yes. Take him inside, but you’re not finished yet.”

On the doorstep they find the rest of the Umbrella Academy, who stopped their training to come and see, attracted by the noise. Diego and Ben immediately rush to Klaus to help him stand, to which Vanya smiles in relief. She may be learning to fight, yes, but carrying an already quite grown up Klaus is not an easy task given her short height.

“Klaus is getting powerful, eh?” Luther growls.

“It was about time.”

Nonchalantly replies Allison, smirking to Vanya’s direction before heading back to her training, followed by Luther.

In the blink of an eye she’s alone with Five and her skin tingles at the mere thought. She likes being in his company and generally spending time together, but instead of calming her, reassuring her, his presence makes her anxious and wary. Not good when your powers can blow up the moon if you’re having a tough day.

“You’re doing a good job,” He tells her. “I’ve been watching. You’ve improved a lot.”

She offers him a small smile. “Thank you, Five.”

“Maybe it’s time you join the Umbrella Academy officially”

She glances back to where her father is standing, still watching at her. Her gaze hardens.

“Soon.” She tells him, leaving without a backward glance.

*

They’re almost fifteen when their father pairs Vanya with Diego to train together. She knows she’s getting stronger and so does Hargreeves, who keeps looking for new ways to trigger her powers. Vanya and Diego approach him in the garden, with the others curiously looking at them from a safe distance.

“Number Two. I want you throw your knives at number Seven, trusting you won’t get her killed.”

Diego’s face is pale as a sheet paper and exchange looks with her, concerned.

“Number Seven, you will block the knives coming your way. I don’t care if you destroy them or deviate their course. I don’t want to see a scratch on you.”

Vanya notices Diego grimacing when Hargreeves says she can destroy _Diego_ ’s own knives. She makes a mental note to keep them intact.

It’s easier than she thought, almost like playing a game. She hears the hissing the knives make when they tear up the air and she uses that very sound to create a bubble of energy that stops them in mid air and make them fall. Diego never aim at her, only at the space around her, but not a single knife comes even close to where she’s standing. They keep practicing for an hour until Hargreeves finally allows them to stop, and they’re already bored out of their mind at this point. But Vanya’s training isn’t finished.

“Number Three,” Calls their father. “Rumor Seven into doing something. Number Seven, let’s see what you can do.”

No one makes a sound. Vanya knows what everyone is thinking about, and it’s the first thing that crosses her mind as well. Allison on the floor, gasping for air, covered in her own blood. Since then Allison never tried to rumor her, probably never once thought about it. She sees the way Luther’s fists dug into the ground, the worried look on Diego and Klaus face. Only Five attempts a nod of encouragement but his eyes betray his concern. Vanya sighs and focuses back on Allison. The distrust they put on her, despite her almost two years of training, is hurtful and if it had happened a year ago she probably would have let anger overpower her. But she’s stronger than that now and she tries to tell Allison, mouthing “It’ll be okay”, hoping she can read her lips.

“At once, number Three”

“I heard a rumor… you want to go find mum”

But nothing happens. Vanya stays put and smiles at Allison to reassure her.

“Try again” Orders Hargreeves.

“I heard a rumor… you want to go to sleep”

And once again nothing happens. This time Vanya grins widely, both at Allison and dad.

“How did you do it? I never get it wrong!” asks Allison as she rushes to her side, squeezing her arm to congratulate her.

“I was able to lower your voice in my head, I don’t know exactly how I do that, it just happens! Until I can hear everything around me but you!”

She explains excited to the small crowd that gathers around her. She almost clasps her hands in joy before noticing her father contemplative gaze and she regains her composure immediately.

“Dad,” She says to get his attention. “I want to try something else too”

“Which would be?”

She turns to Luther. “I want us to fight.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, there isn't much fiveya in this chapter (apart that they think about each other all the time) but I'm a huge fan of Klaus and I wanted to give him his moments. I'm interested in how Five and Klaus interact and I loved all their scenes together in the show! Anyway, Klaus was a bit rude but I think he needed to lash out and him missing Dave may not be the only reason he can't stand Five...
> 
> About Ben, I hope I gave him some recognition. Of course that's just my interpretation of what happened but I think it might be plausible it was a half suicide! I don't know, from the epitaph to how no one wants to talk about it...
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, till next time!


	8. Vanya gets a tattoo and discovers ugly truths

“Are you out of your mind? I have super strength, remember?”

He almost yells, putting into words what everyone else around them is thinking anyway.

“Yes, and I still want to do it”

“I know you’re feeling like a god with this new power of yours but-”

“Enough!” They all turn to face Hargreeves. “Do it”

Luther glowers at her, annoyed their father takes her side. Vanya knows part of him is genuinely worried he might hurt her, but the main reason he doesn’t like this whole thing is the threat to his authority as presumed leader, his primordial need to be number One, in name and deed. He grew up a lot since getting back from the future, but this is something he can’t quite shake off. Vanya blames their father’s influence as always, and maybe also Luther’s need to feel validated by the man who sent him to the moon for nothing. If she can beat him in the only field he knows to be the best, it’ll be the end of his supposed supremacy once and for all. Knowing Luther, he’ll take it as a menace to his masculinity as well. She’ll take pleasure in defeating him, but the actual reason she wants to fight is that, if she wins, it’ll be the litmus test for her to prove Hargreeves she deserves to become part of the Umbrella Academy.

That’s what she thinks as she takes position in front of Luther who stares at her bewildered, not yet ready to believe in what’s about to happen.

“This isn’t wrestling,” Hargreeves sharply says. “You have been trained in combat and that’s what I want to see. Grace and efficiency in movements, respect of the adversary. We’ll see how your powers react to the other.”

And that’s how it starts. Five, Allison and Diego eyes are glued to them, following every step with dread; Klaus and Ben whispering to each other looking worried. Vanya ignores them, focusing only on Luther as they keep regarding each other for long seconds. Luther is unwilling to strike first, but they can’t wait forever. Vanya aims at his left shoulder and launches onto it; Luther blocks the attack slipping to the side, not making contact.

“You won’t hurt me!” She tells him, getting angry. “It’s okay. I need to learn, don’t hold back”

He looks at her, still uncertain, and Vanya’s frustration only grows. She goes to punch him again and he finally snaps, yanking back with his forearm and getting ready to react. He slams his hand into her ribs only to retreat immediately, holding his wrist with his other hand as he lets go of a small whimper.

“God Luther! Are you hurt?”

Adrenaline deflates from her body, concern replacing it immediately. She regrets everything she thought she wanted: she doesn’t want to hurt Luther.

“It’s nothing… No one before was ever able to fight me back. How did you do it?”

“Still the same answer: energy. I fight using energy”

“So that’s how you don’t get hurt…”

“Only as long as I keep control”

“Wanna try again?”

She smiles warmly. “Are you sure?”

“Now that I know you won’t get hurt, yes” Snd then he smirks at her, a challenge between them.

They get back at it. Vanya finds she loves fighting with Luther, he’s the only one she can truly confront, and it seems like he shares the same feeling. They make it a habit. With anyone else they need to maintain control over the strength, in his case, and energy, in hers, they can release – with each other they are allowed to let go and relax, in a twisted sort of way. Vanya uses the sounds around her, releasing energy not just in the form of bubbles or explosions, but letting it erupt from her skin, from her hands. That’s how she learns to block every attack, stop every knife.

They day they turn fifteen Hargreeves blesses her with the greatest gift he could ever think of. They’re climbing down the stairs to go have breakfast when they find a tattoo artist waiting for Vanya, Pogo and Hargreeves at his side.  

“I hope you’re ready, number Seven”

She stops in her tracks, astonished. Her facial muscles twitch in sync, and she only composes herself after hearing the others slightly giggling. In the past two years she’s focused so much in learning control, training hard every day, it made her feel as if she was, in fact, already a member of the Umbrella Academy.

She reaches the chair that Grace positioned for her, unable to speak, and glances to her father one last time. At his curt nod she finally sits down, exposing her left arm to the other man, amused by her curious reaction.

“You’ll be joining your siblings on missions from now on, number Seven”

Hargreeves tells her when she’s done. She barely registers his words, captivated by the symbol on her wrist. An umbrella. She craved it for so long, her whole life, and now it’s there, on her body, marking her skin. It hurts like hell but she embraces the pain, accepts it, feeling whole for the first time.

With her eyes wet from the pain and the emotion she goes looking for Five. Who else would she go to? And she finds him in the kitchen bickering with Diego over something stupid, with Allison rolling her eyes at them. When she notices Vanya approaching them she smiles, bright as the sun.

“Vanya!”

She briefly grins back at Allison but focuses her attention to Five, who drops all the harshness reserved to Diego, smiling widely.

“Happy birthday, Vanya” He says, his eyes glowing with barely contained pride.

“You’re officially part of the team now” Says Diego solemnly, “So we can talk about our next mission.”

“What about it?”

“Wait!” Hisses Klaus, who arrives at that very moment, “Not here! They can hear us!”

“Five? What’s going on?” Asks Vanya.

“Oh nothing, just another stupid idea” He snorts turning to Diego.

“You weren’t there! I’m telling you-”

“What part of ‘not here’ did you not understand?” Erupts Klaus, and they finally look at him.

“Let’s go to my room and we’ll talk about it” Says Five in a tone which brooks no objections.

“No.” Comes Klaus’s voice, cold as ice. “We’re going to Diego’s”

“And why is that your Majesty?”

“Because I say so.” Replies Klaus, already leaving for the stairs.

They end up staring at Five, waiting for an explanation. “What did you do to him?” asks Luther, deeply confused at the exchange.

“I didn’t do anything!” He snaps, “He’s been this way for a while now. I don’t know!”

“And you didn’t bother asking?”

Five growls. “I’ll meet you there” He says before disappearing in a blue light.

Vanya sighs. What a way to celebrate.

 

“What’s the meaning of this?” Vanya asks once they make it to Diego’s room, the door carefully closed. They’re sitting in a circle, with Klaus as far as possible from Five.

“We’ve been recalling our missions since we came back” Explains Allison, “We don’t remember all of them of course, but some we do and each time we try to figure out a way to make it work with the lesser number of people getting hurt”

“Clever,” Says Vanya in awe. “So clever, I wouldn’t have thought about it”

“Yeah right? My idea” Chimes in Ben.

“Anyway,” Interjects Diego, “We were talking about the next one when you came in. It went down a certain way, but the genius here” He points sharply at Five, “Disagrees with our method”

“Again: because it’s stupid” Replies Five, a creepy smile marking its way.

“Of course,” Vanya mumbles, catching up, “You weren’t there…”

“Exactly” Allison cuts her off, “But since it’s supposed to happen in what-” She turns to Luther, “Three days? We can go out and celebrate our birthday like normal teenagers. I’m feeling like winning at bowling today!”

*

Hargreeves allows them some time to act like kids on their birthday but pushes them harder than ever in the following months, exploiting every chance for their powers to improve. The training is exhausting and Vanya’s wrist still hurts sometimes but she’s too proud of her new tattoo to show it.

Being officially a part of the Umbrella Academy, Vanya gets to train with the others and they sometimes pair together to experiment their powers. Apart from the usual Fight Club routine she set with Luther, which is more fun than training, she goes along with Klaus very well, matching their telekinesis and learning to track down his location when he turns invisible, following his heartbeat as her only clue. It’s the hardest to train with Ben, and it almost scares her at times, when due to fatigue or bad mood each would be able to kill the other, against their own will. They make the rules to never train together when one or both of them are too tired or too upset to keep control. She practices with Diego, both pushing their limits in terms of speed: how many knives he throws in a minute, how many she successfully blocks. With Allison she mainly trains in combat, powers aside, and her sister is far more skilled than Vanya presumed, and absolutely dangerous even when not using her powers. Vanya isn’t as good in combat; she learned the basics but wouldn’t be able to match Allison or Diego, and she’s fine with it.

The only one left for Vanya to train with is Five. She refused to deal with him since they started training together, claiming their powers simply wouldn’t match. In truth, she partly fears he might despise her a bit when she’ll definitely find a way to beat him, the other part of her dreading her own reaction at the closeness. While they find themselves in each other space more often than not, it gets harder and harder for Vanya to keep her powers in check without causing rain or light flickering, her own skin lit with goosebumps.

“It’s our turn now,” He tells her one day, “Or I’m going to think you just don’t want to lose against me”

“I wouldn’t want to humiliate you, but you’re so desperately asking for it, Five”

Vanya hates she has to look up to meet his stare, Five already much taller than her at this age.

“Oh really? Well then-” He jumps, “I suppose this doesn’t hurt” He finishes as he appears behind her, pulling her hair.

“Five!”

“You’d be dead already”

He tells her jumping around and poking at her sides and stomach, making her laugh.

“She’s holding back!” Shoots Diego, “Show him who’s in charge here!”

“You’re going easy on me, Vanya?” Five says in a low voice, smirking mischievously.

She would find him intimidating if it didn’t send an electric pulse straight to her core.

“Let’s see how you manage with-” He jumps again only to appear inside a translucent, living bubble of energy.

“What the hell…” He mutters, eyes narrowed.

“Told ya” Chortles Diego from behind him, smugly playing with his knives as he enjoys the scene.

Vanya smiles innocently at Five who glowers at her with his mouth agape. He clenches his fists and teleports away, finding himself into a similar space for the second time.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Sorry,” She chuckles letting him free, “You looked so sure of yourself, I couldn’t resist!”

“How do you even do that?”

“Uhm. You’re not that fast, you know.” She says causing him to furrow his brows and cross his arms.

“You’re probably too used to notice, but when you jump you create a disturbance in the energy around you which resonates into a sound…” She trails, closing her eyes to repeat it into her mind, _to feel_ it. “No, a vibration.”

“So you already know where I’m going to pop up next” He finishes for her, amazed, his gaze fixed on her.

She flushes, suddenly shy. “Only because we’re in the same room now, I know where to expect you.”

“Extraordinary”

He whispers, his eyes hungry and intense, making her heart stutter.

*

The catastrophe happens when Hargreeves decides to flank number Four and Five. A sense of unease seep through all of them who momentarily stop their tasks to peek at the unusual pair. It’s unclear how their powers are supposed to combine, but Vanya guesses it’s just another experiment.

Klaus looks terribly pale, continuously glancing around, never at Five directly. They don’t talk, or rather, Klaus never answers, focusing all his energy to keep from vomiting if anything else. Five is supposed to catch him before he turns invisible, competing in speed, but Klaus is always too slow and every time Five ends up taking his wrist Klaus winces, taking a step back from him. Five grows frustrated with Klaus’s mistakes, letting him know with irritated, continuous scoffs.

Eventually Klaus falls back, exhausted, his hands pulling desperately at his hair, screaming, “Leave me alone, I can’t help you, please just go”

Blood drains from Five’s face and he freezes, unable to reach out to him. It takes him a second to make the connection, to understand what’s going on: Klaus isn’t talking to him.

“Shit!” Shouts Ben, the first to react, reaching Klaus in less than a second, dropping to his knees in front of him, cradling the crumpled form on the floor.

“Klaus, just breath, we worked on this, okay? Just breath” Ben tells him attempting to calm him down. Klaus lets a sob escape and grabs his arms, desperately looking for an anchor, an escape.

“They won’t leave me alone” He breathes. “God Five, what have you done?”

They all turn to Five, who feels sick to his stomach. He looks nauseous, paralyzed on the spot, unable to tear his eyes from his brother.

“A kid?” Goes on Klaus, “One of the women was pregnant! Did you know? Do you even care?”

Vanya is clueless on what’s going on but the pain and hurt on Klaus’s face terrify her and she doesn’t even notice she’s crying until the tears hit her collarbone. When Ben turns to face Five Vanya thinks she never found him to be frightening until today.

“Leave.” He commands, and Five obeys.

With him gone Klaus starts taking regular breaths again, a bit of color rising to his cheeks. Vanya rushes at his side, slowly petting his hair in the smallest kind of comfort she can offer.

“You see dead people… but what does it have to do with Five?” She asks in a small voice.

As a result they glance to each other, then back at her. “You don’t know?”

“Just tell me”

“Five was a killer?”

Luther phrases it as a question, when actually it sounds like a death sentence. She blinks rapidly, her throat suddenly tight. “He… what? Five would never-”

But her voice breaks. Wouldn’t he? He grew apart from her for 45 years, how can she be sure of anything about him?

“After the Apocalypse he joined an organization called The Commission and he killed for them” Luther tells her.

“And he killed quite a lot of people” Adds Klaus weakly.

“That’s why things were so dense between the two of you? You can se the people he killed” Mutters Vanya, more to herself at this point than him.

“Wait,” She says standing abruptly. “Do I make you sick too? Can you see the people I killed?”

Her heartbeat is so fast she wonders if they can feel it too. It feels like her whole depends on Klaus next words.

“No,” He answers weakly. “They don’t count. Five erased that timeline when we came back. But the people he killed, they’re in the past.”

“You all knew?” She looks up at Allison, “You knew and you didn’t tell me?”

“Vanya… It wasn’t for us to tell you. I think-” Allison glances at the others for reassurance, “I think he deliberately chose not to”

Vanya looks down, resuming to stroke Klaus’s hair, her heart heavy as stone.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm a bit late with the new chapter but my finals are approaching and I really need to study.. the good news is that as far as I should I am always driven to write instead so I end up with drafts that require much editing (they're the result of my madness and insomnia) and never enough studying done :D
> 
> anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! It may appear slow (maybe) but it really needed to happen, there are things I've been meaning to deal with since I started and so from now on it will be plot-plot-plot


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